Coming to you from the “you sure as hell can’t make this $#@! up” department, comes a story from the Shady Creek Senior Home in Texas that gives credence to the concept that you’re never too old to get yourself into a hot mess.
Recently, residents at Shady Creek, not satisfied with the excitement Bingo brings to their lives, formed a “Life Alert & Chill” club where the members sneak off into corners and broom closets to get a little closer, and experiment with amorous activities better left for the younger set. (It’s okay to get the willies at this point.)
New Life Alert & Chill members Norma Watson, 83, and Harold Gillis got up from the Bingo table and found an empty room to celebrate their membership. One thing led to another and Norma managed to get a hook on her dentures stuck in Harold’s, uh, well….
“Harold has always seemed to be a real frisky fella,” said Norma who lost her dentures on Harold’s penis. “Harold said he wanted me to do something ‘extra special’ for him, so I did. That’s when the wire from my partial dentures got stuck on his manhood and slipped right out of my mouth. It was like a hook in a fish’s mouth. It was like a hole in one. I never heard a man scream like that before!”
The couple, being seasoned citizens with heads that get ahead of their bodies, knew that they had to call for help and did. After being numbed, the dentures were removed from Harold, and he was bandaged up and given pain killers.
Management at Shady Creek does not endorse this sort of behavior. It is considered age inappropriate. While seniors are encouraged to remain active and engage in community events, the people in charge would prefer if the inmates stick to a pre-determined program.
A spokesperson for Shady Creek Senior Home releases this statement: “We were not aware of the new social club that was created by the senior citizens living in our community. We do not support any ‘Life Alert & Chill’ sessions, consensual or unconsenual sex, or any type of foreplay that might result in these type of tragic injuries. We urge all seniors to follow the rules and refrain from these types of acts, especially ones that may induce heart attacks.”
Uh, seniors might be old, but as the saying goes, they ain’t dead yet. Harold is determined that when he sees other ladies, they remove their dentures before any amorous activities begin.