With the prospect of the Sharia Law patrol trying to rule my life (and yours), however unlikely in a country that has a whole lot of guns in the hands of people who cling to Christianity, I was wondering just how much of what I do everyday as a Catholic American would be subject to some sort of Sharia-like correction. Other than believing in the Father, Son, Holy Spirit and Constitutional Law, of course. I mean, seriously, what would I have to give up and what would change if the Islamists hell bent on turning us all into them were to actually succeed?
Comparing just the things we know famously Muslims do, let’s see:
Daily Prayer – Now this I do. I say an Our Father, Hail Mary, Gloria Patri, Apostles’ Creed, Prayer to St. Michael the Archangel, a Memorarae, an Act of Contrition and three more Hail Marys for vocations. A Rosary at Eucharistic Adoration on Mondays. Â (Alright, I really should say one everyday.) Done. Although, I haven’t been bowing to Mecca five times a day. I guess venerating a Crucifix, and genuflecting before the Blessed Sacrament doesn’t count.
Sacrificial Fasting – I do fast on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday. Â Is that enough? Â Not going to consider not eating after 6 pm to help trim the waistline as a sacrifice, not that it works now that I am of a certain age. Â Besides, Muslim fasts are supposedly during the day, not at night. Â Catholics order meat-lover’s pizzas at quarter to midnight on Fridays during Lent.
No Owning Dogs – Oops. My family has two. It is wonderful to have at least one member of the family who loves me unconditionally. The other dog acts more like my siblings. I love her anyway. Plus, they are really great little hot water bottles. (I assume indulging in the Westminster Kennel Club dog show is out. Rats.)
No Gambling – My family does like to go to the track every now and then with a little mad money. Could do without the slots and craps, though. I wonder if this includes card playing and Candy Crush Saga? (Gave up Mafia Wars some time ago.)
No Alcohol – Fermentation is one of the great discoveries of agriculture. Yes, I partake probably a little too much, especially after choir rehearsal, but since the creation of the best vintage anyone ever tasted was my Lord and Savior’s first miracle, I consider booze to be Divinely approved. Plus, it’s a great disinfectant.
No Pork – Bacon, sausage, roasts, pork steaks…. Let me check the freezer. Yep, it’s loaded. These are staples – and they will not be going to my local food bank or pantry.
Guilt Laying on Non-Believers – Good Catholic girl who grew up in a Jewish neighborhood? I know a guilt trip when I hear one being booked. And I know that pressuring neighbors to conform to your way of life is nothing more than a guilt trip. Doesn’t mean I’m going to take said trip or send anyone on one myself for no good reason other than I can.
And that’s just the stuff that we know about for regular everyday people. Then there’s the really serious stuff. Since blowing people up is not something I am interested in doing, I’ll explore the changes I would have to make as a woman.
Covering Hair – For Heaven’s sake a woman’s hair is her glory and her plumage. Why would anyone want to cover it? Well, other than being in Church, of course, although not many people know we are still supposed to do that. Besides, at the price of foil low-lights to hide the strands with little or no pigment that keep appearing, I show it off rather than hide it. Will make an exception on covering hair if it snows. Otherwise, those headscarf thingies would make me look like a nun, and, uh, yeah, God did not bless me with that vocation.
Long Skirts – I wear long skirts already just as a matter of personal style (and because a number of Catholic saints over the centuries have laid down some rules on modesty that are summarily ignored these days). However, wearing skirts to the floor does cause an issue when going up steps. And then there’s the little matter of getting enough vitamin D from sunlight in the summer when we all really should expose as much skin as possible for 15 minutes or so, swimming, float trips, and, yes, going to hockey games where beer has a tendency to flow. Long skirts just don’t work for any of that.
Make-up Limited to Kohl Around the Eyes – That would be thick and heavy eyeliner that makes many women look like they’ve been in a fight. Some of us gave that up along with the vent brush back in the 80’s. Lighter, beauty enhancing products and techniques are the way to go.
No Singing – Now wait a second. There are quite a number of us classically trained sopranos out here in the world and capitulation to sharia would silence our voices. No opera, no Messiah, no Ave Marias, no Queen of the Night, no high Cs – no way, Jose. She who sings prays twice, just like the men. Well, sort of. Men singing countertenor is just painful.
And then there’s voting, driving, all the sex stuff, possibly being stoned to death…. Not my kind of life at all.
So, will I be changing my bacon eating, Christ worshiping, Irish whiskey drinking, dog loving, hair dying, card playing, high note singing, make-up wearing ways any time soon? No. Don’t think so. Christianity, well every day Catholicism anyway, doesn’t require that sort of change.
My life is not so sharia, for all the modest dressing I may do. Â Besides, I do that out of love for Christ. Â Anything else is just not for me.